28 Feb 2016

Oscars 2016 Special: Leonardo DiCaprio's Long Oscars Wait Theory

"If I can't get an Oscar trophy then I will become an Oscar trophy." 
A cosmopolitan.com caption in their 11-photo feature of Leonardo DiCaprio's reactions at the Oscars over the years.  

Take heart, Leo. It took a long time, but you finally got one now!Johnny Depp hasn't got one yet, nor has Tom Cruise, Joaquin Phoenix, Sigourney Weaver, Michelle Pfeiffer and Edward Norton (all three-time nominees). Why, Glenn Close got nominated six times, just like you, and is yet to make it.

The rest of the article was written before Leo won his Oscar, purely then for your reading pleasure. It thus unwittingly explains how Leonardo DiCaprio won the Oscar for The Revenant:  

For actors, the Oscars are the ultimate prize. Leonardo DiCaprio's long wait (since his first 1993 nomination for What's Eating Gilbert Grape) has been spoof/mock fodder for the media lately, for at a relatively young age of 41, this very talented actor is only missing an Oscar. The Revenant nomination may be Leonardo's best chance, there seem to be no serious contenders to stall him, this time around. Why? The Leonardo DiCaprio Long Oscar Wait Theory will touch upon that aspect too.   

The actor with the Screen Actors Guild Award (SAG) Award for his leading performance in The Revenant

The Leonardo DiCaprio Long Oscar Wait Theory
The ways of the Academy members are strange in awarding the Oscar to Actor in a Leading Role or for that matter Best Picture.Well, here's my theory. Handsome actors who are having a great career anyway don't get the coveted trophy easy. After all, nobody has had a filmography like Leo, almost all his films since Titanic are unforgettable cinematic triumphs and huge box office blockbusters. So here are the theory's main details:
  1. If you are too popular with girls, you don't win an Oscar.   
  2. If you are seducing the most beautiful women onscreen, you DON'T win an Oscar. Voting members are human too, they go green with envy and jealousy. See Leonardo in The Aviator (2004), his second Oscar nomination. 

  3. If you are playing a role based on a real-life character, your chances multiply. But again, if you are having a time of your life, are filthy rich, having sex fests and doing drugs in the film and enjoying it, you don't win. See Leo in The Wolf of Wall Street (2013), his fifth Oscar nomination. Obviously, Oscar voters thought, why does a man who has everything, need an Oscar too?  
  4. Actors who suffer, get beaten up, are miserable, dying, look close to beggars and are woman-less onscreen have a great chance at the Oscars. That is why, apart from his performance, The Revenant nomination is the actor's greatest chance yet.  
  5. Don't believe me? Nicolas Cage won his only Oscar in 1996 because he drunk himself to death hellishly in Leaving Las Vegas. Roberto Benigni won in 1999 for a character that dies in a concentration camp. You can't beat anything anti-Hitler at any Hollywood awards, ever. Kevin Spacey won for American Beauty in 2000, he was a miserable wreck in the movie. Russell Crowe won in 2001, Adrien Brody won in 2003 for Gladiator and The Pianist respectively. You know why? Both were miserable, beaten up, starving, sex-deprived and hunted onscreen. That should provide enough proof for my theory. 
  6. In fact, the Internet is flooded with what Leonardo's acceptance speech will be. That's how good his chances are said to be this year. 
To end, there are worse things in life than not winning an Oscar, impending winners can take heart in Russell Crowe's acceptance speech for Gladiator. Here's an excerpt: 

You know, when you grow up in the suburbs of Sydney or Auckland, or Newcastle like Ridley or Jamie Bell, or the suburbs of anywhere, you know, a dream like this seems kind of vaguely ludicrous and completely unattainable. But this moment is directly connected to those childhood imagining. And for anybody who's on the downside of advantage and relying purely on courage, it's possible. Thanks very much. 

"I am carrying this loaded gun to the awards this time. So you better hand it over mate!"


  1. hahahaha..great article Snehith! Keep it up..the theories are hilarious and true that people suddenly get a great kick when they see unbearable pain onscreen. I should say, somewhere because it helps them with cathartic effect!

  2. Thanks a lot, dear anonymous for the feedback. Interesting that you say that, we are a vast majority of cynics out here, I guess and our addiction to pain is downright scary...